Let me help you change the direction you believe your life is taking you today.
Marriages fall apart because of an inability to change course and build new ways of communicating with each other. Individuals and couples through repeated experience of the SAME PATTERNS grow to believe that things will
remain the same, that they are generally powerless to change course and so in a state of futility or rage they
abandon each other.
The divorce rate is increasing all the time. And more and more people are coming to couple's counseling because deep down they know it feels inconceivable that people who cared at one time so strongly no longer care for each other. What changed? How did we lose the affection?
Individuals abandon dreams and hopes and try to anesthesize themselves by any means available. More often nowadays, people start new relationships but often find they run into similar problems and feel similar emotions in the new relationships.
How do we explain this?
Do we keep choosing the same person or do we keep choosing the same thoughts and reactions in similar contexts? Psychoanalysts would point to the past as a form of conditioning that triggers the historic reaction as the familiar context reappears. Tranference was Freud's original observation of a pattern of thinking that became concrete. Retraumatization was a later concept stating that new negative experiences generated old patterns.
In more current terminology,The Law of Attraction supports the theory that things repeat themselves based on a continuous focus, over time that exerts itself based on the present focus. Again it is the present focus that is the catalyst, not the past. And present focus can be managed more easily.
What is the solution to a seemingly intractable focus on the negative? Some psychoanalysts say we need new experiences to change the patterns of expectation and behavior. This is where psychoanalysis and Law of Attraction are again in harmony. Heinz Kohut believed that the experience of empathy was the catalyst to change focus. He believed that through something he called Transmuting Internalization a patient could internalize new patterns of expectation and experience from a supportive therapist and gain new "Self Structure" as he called it. This was a lengthy process that required years of therapy.
Nowadays who wants to spend that much time having your brain reprogrammed? It's like taking your car for a tune up and waiting for the mechanic to disassemble and reassemble your car. In this fast world we live in we need more instant manifestations. Not like in Freud's time when they traveled by horse drawn carriages.
SO today's therapy needs to show us how to simply change perspective more quickly, through choice and will and not through a mystical resolution of the transference or a cathartic trip back to the Primal birth experience. which is like taking a stage coach to Nirvana.
To sum up a rather long explanation.....
I believe most problems begin in the mind of the individual who is perceiving the problem. Emotions are
often the direct result of what you focus on,that is, any focus which dominates your thoughts for a length of time. The time would need to be long enough to take root and attract more thoughts like it. (Law of Attraction) SO the quicker you stop being negative the less likely it is to remain a focus. And the more you are positive the longer that will remain. So if you have been angry at your spouse for 3 months, expect that it might take some deliberate effort to stop that momentum and move to a different place.
Therapy helps speed up that process. It allows a changing of perspective to last at least part of the duration of the sessions. This can begin a momentum that attracts better methods of communication and more positive focusing. However , if it's been really bad, it may need to slow down before it stops..
In a nutshell, whatever you give your attention to is what you see. Your emotions tell you how you feel about what you see based on what you truly want.
Marital discord is not necessarily a result the other person's behavior or habits It is a focusing issue. And
focus can be a choice. ( very important point) Emotions accompany focus. Negative focus= Negative emotional
feedback from your internal compass. But we are lucky that the system works so well. Imagine if negative focus
brought joy? I guess we would all be insane..
I don't give out any homework. I won't make you talk to imaginary people in chairs . There is no chanting or
incense. I don't have any foam bats so you may need to express your emotions in words. Expletives are welcomed if it helps you describe your experience more succunctly. We don't have to discuss your childhood if you feel it is not relevant . You create your own reality.
You can drink coffee if it helps you think.
Scheduling and financial issues vary from person to person and I try and accomodate the circumstances and meet
the unique needs of each individual .